Isn’t it ironic that homeschoolers have to “defend” our decision to homeschool? Some people feel so threatened and “judged” simply by the very existence of homeschoolers, as if by our choices we are questioning theirs.
I don’t go around telling folks in my neighborhood or my church, “I don’t understand how you can possibly send your kids to public school. I just don’t have the patience to get my kids ready by 7:00 every morning and help them with homework for hours every night. How can you really be sure they’re learning, anyway, when all you get is a report card every 9 weeks? And aren’t you worried about socialization? When your kids spend all day in a room with a bunch of other kids the same age, how will they ever learn to function in the real world?”
If homeschoolers actually interrogated public-schoolers about their decision NOT to homeschool the way some feel free to interrogate us about our decision TO homeschool, can you imagine the sparks that would fly? Better have a fire extinguisher handy.
Some of the best advice I’ve heard for dealing with folks who question your homeschooling is to determine whether they are hostile, simply curious, genuinely concerned for your family’s well-being, or perhaps testing the waters to consider homeschooling themselves.
I think it’s better not to engage in a debate with the truly hostile, but to have a simple, brief answer ready—something along the lines of “This is what I believe is best for my family”—and leave it at that. Just don’t take the bait. On the other hand, if someone seems genuinely interested, you might want to go into a bit more detail than you would with questioners who are merely looking to pick a fight. Dealing with the simply curious would fall somewhere in the middle. The genuinely concerned (family members, perhaps, or your pastor—though I realize these folks sometimes fall into the hostile camp) deserve a thoughtful reply.
I’d love to hear your suggestions for how to respond to folks who question your decision to homeschool. Comments welcome!
Mary Jo
Copyright 2005 by Mary Jo Tate
I just basically had a similar conversation with my uncle when he questioned me on the decision to homeschool. Thankfully he wasn’t all negative about it like most of the people I’ve encountered. But he did question my ability to teach all three children, all at the same time, children at different levels of understanding and abilities. And I was quick to reply that teachers teach 20-30 kids at a time, all with different levels of understanding (intergrated classrooms, etc)…surely I can handle a mere three children! LOL Then I went on to say, “Hey Uncle Paul, relax, ok? I certainly can’t do any WORSE than public school! Not when my children come home with horror stories of the day on top of it all”. Then he said, “OK YOU GOT ME THERE, You’re right, You can’t possibly do any worse!” Then we both laughed like crazy LOL I mean, I my decision to homeschool is the result of a myriad of things; my daughter’s health, my two younger one’s learning ‘disabilities’, the gang activity that has unfortunately begun to make a presence in my neighborhood & schools, the school’s unsuccessful policy of ‘separation of church and state’, and I could probably think of about a hundred more reasons if I think about it LOL The only regret I have is that I didn’t begin homeschooling sooner, from the beginning. 🙂 Because even after having sent them to school and having all the schoolday with time ‘to myself’ I realize that there is NOTHING ELSE in this world that I’d rather do than be with my kids and be the one shaping their character and their minds. Has anyone else ever noticed that in school it isn’t ‘cool’ to be Christian??? What has become of this world? It’s a sad state of affairs!
We’ve been answering that question since we started five years ago… unfortunately, it’s from my parents… every year they can’t believe we’re doing another year. We said from the beginning that we’d take a year at a time. That way, there’s no pressure (or not as much) from those who just don’t understand. I guess as the years have passed, the only thing I realized is, I’ve changed while the questions have stayed the same. I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, and after that, I don’t need to explain further… If someone has questions… I’ll give them answers to what I do, or have done. Homeschooling is so much more than books, I feel though… and that’s another thing someone can’t understand if they don’t believe it. You know… it’s a lot like being a christian, in that, I can tell someone about Jesus and His saving grace, but I can’t make them make a commitment. They can’t understand until they take off the “blinders”… What it boils down to, is simply this… the Lord has lead me to teach my children, and I’ll take chastisement from anyone over disobeying His wish for me and my family. I’m doing what I feel is best for the children the Lord has entrusted me with. I no longer “defend” homeschooling with the “vim and vigor” I once did. I just try to plant seeds… leave them thinking. Comparing homeschooling to public school is like comparing apples to oranges anyway… sure, they’re both fruits, but not really anything alike. Homeschooling and public school is the same sort of thing.
In Him,
Amy
Hi Mary Jo, When someone asks “where do your kids go to school,” I just stand up straight, look the person straight in the eye and say “We homeschool.” Maybe I tense up and put on a defensive posture, I don’t know. But most people either say “that’s nice” and maybe ask a few questions. Others give me this wide eyed expression and say “OOOoooooh!” I can tell by their face that if life were a comic strip, there would be a thought balloon hanging over their head with a cuckoo clock chiming Noon! What gets me is when people do this right after complimenting us on how well-behaved the kids were in a restaurant of other public place!
Whenever anyone asks the usual “socialization” question, I tell them that the kids are in scouts, play most every day with neighbors and other kids, and are otherwise popular with their friends. “Popular” is the keyword here, because people understand that if a kid is popular, he/she is usually not regarded as an oddball.
And if they really press the issue, I ask them if they ever knew any “weird kids” back in school. When they inevitably say “yes,” I ask them why didn’t the glorious panacea of public school peer-group socialization help those kids to NOT be oddballs. After all, there weren’t very many football captains and homecoming queens.
This gets some people thinking because, after all, most of us were not “in with the in crowd” back in school, and many of us look back on school days and recall schoolyard bullies, zits, peer pressure and general ostracization. In spite of that, most of us turned out fine IN SPITE of our wonderful socialization. When I pursue this line with such folks, they’ll often reluctantly back down, unable to score a point but still sure that I must somehow be wrong.
Good topic! -jay
i think i’ve been really fortunate. i’ve really not run in to that at all. generally i get things like “oh wow, my sister (or neighbor/friend/cousin/etc) homeschools and they really like it”.
🙂 jen
Mary Jo…I love this! May I post this on my blog – with link directly to this post? (www.xanga.com/MrsCatherine) I love the way you write! :O)
Love and God’s Blessings,
Cat
(email: info@makingithomemgazine.com)
Mary Jo, I know you live in MS, though I don’t know where. I read in the news that MS is devasted by Hurricane Katrina and we’re praying that your family is safe and dry. If you’re able, please advise if you need anything or if we can do anything to help. God bless, jay
I have been home schooling for several years, and I honestly do not recall ever feeling challenged, or worrying about being seen in public with our school aged kids. Occasionally, other moms comment, “I don’t see how you so it! I give you a lot of credit – I could never do that!” I laugh. I give *them* plenty of credit. I do not miss early morning sprints to the bus stop, forgotten books and lunch money, P.T.A. meetings, notes from concerned teachers, and being forced to make my daughter do homework. Most of all I do not miss not having the power to make choices about what my kids are learning for six hours a day.
Oh my goodness you hit the nail on the head with the Public comments! I love this. I’m giving this posts to my other homeschool list. Awesome! It lifted my spirits to read this! Thanks!
You know, you never cease to amaze me. I sometimes wish I thought more quickly on my feet. For I think that answering a question with the same question would certainly end a lot of the debate. The next time someone asks me about socialization, maybe I’ll have the forethought to politely ask them if they are not concerned about the socialization of their children — and then walk away, leaving them to think on how ridiculous their question was.
Actually, I’ve been so blessed. My children are just naturally out going and very social creatures – my son would rather talk to a Senior Saint at church often than one of “the boys”, he likes to help and open doors for people – and he’s 5. While people bring up socialization in conversation, I’ve never actually been asked “THE QUESTION”.
Great post! Thanks for sharing your insight!